We need to talk about climate change.

I’m writing this out of a place of despair. Despair that I have been feeling on and off these last few weeks. Despair that is my steady companion, slumbering below the surface, waiting for its moment to be allowed to breathe.

The climate crisis is coming. For some parts of the world, it's already here. I knew this, rationally, and have known this, for a number of years now. I used to work for a Climate Science and Policy Institute, you see. I know what the numbers mean. One point five to survive, was the slogan.  Last year we were at 1°C of warming. Does anyone really believe we’ll manage to not heat the world another 0.5°C at the rate things are going?

Rationally, I knew we were heading for disaster. Then I watched Jem Bendell’s Deep Adaptation talk, and the actual urgency and severity of the situation sank in. It sank in in a way that I’ve felt it in my body, in a way that’s opened some pathway to all the grief I didn’t even realise I had. Grief that sometimes simmers, and sometimes erupts.

It hit me hard, in at first - with a blanket of despair thrown over my everyday life. What’s the point of living if we’re heading for disaster? What’s the point of sticking around that long? Maybe, I thought, another few years of living ‘the life’ (whatever that would mean), and then bowing out before things get really bad - that could be a way of dealing with this.

A part of me was unable to accept that course of action, though. As has been the case before, I needed to have some kind of meaning to my existence. Simply enjoying the last few years of normalcy was not going to cut it. I struggled with this until less than two weeks ago, when I finally encountered people who shared my experience. Who supported me in getting past this initial block, this hang-up. I realised that I can still affect the situation. I can still contribute to change. And maybe, just maybe, things will be less terrible because of it - for me, or for whoever ends up surviving this mass extinction. Since then, a couple of things have slowly been becoming clearer for me. Paths forward, and the realisation of how much community and companionship I need to not go insane with this. My next words stem from that place. They've been cathartic for me to write. They're basically what I want to shout at pretty much everyone I meet, but I don’t, because that wouldn’t go down so well (I assume). I guess in writing it down I’m giving you a choice to read my words, making it a tiny bit more consensual. So, here goes:

First and foremost, I need you to wake the fuck up. Yes, you. I know it’s uncomfortable. I know it’s really, really, really uncomfortable. But I need you (yes, you!) to feel the situation we’re in. The house is on fire. Fuck! Engage with whatever you need to engage with to have this be part of your reality.

Secondly, I need you to engage with your emotions – despair, grief, anger, sadness, pain – whatever it is. Finding your own relationship with your grief (and everything else) can be challenging. Thankfully there’s support. I’m including a list of resources at the bottom of this post.

Thirdly, I need you to act. To re-evaluate everything you know, knowing that life as you know it will be over in the near future. Personally, I’m calculating with 5 years. I’ve heard that if the next two summers are like last summer in terms of drought and crop failure, we’ll have food shortages in Europe before that time. Is what you’re doing now useful in this scenario? What are you doing to mitigate the effects of climate change? What are you doing that’s contributing to it? Take a good hard look at yourself. How can you support those that are actively breaking out of their ‘normal’ lives to engage with this topic? Those we are walking the uncomfortable path? There are lots of ways – emotional support, financial support, resource support (places to sleep, places to gather, food, etc.), companionship – and undoubtedly many more. Hell, maybe break out of your ‘normal’ life yourself?

Fourthly, I need you to be inspired. Engaging with grief can lead us to very inspiring places. What world do you want to live in, all things considered? What needs to happen to create that world? How are you going to contribute to it being created? What’s your next step?

What I yearn for most is companionship in this issue. If any of this resonates with you, please let me know. I am desperate for people who share my reality – who feel my reality. I want to connect with you, to support each other, to share our grief and to maybe create something amazing together – so fifthly, I need us to band together.

Deep breath.

I’ve been in the climate movement for years now. And yes, there have been victories. Headway has been made. But it’s too little, too late, I think. I’m not saying we should give up – hell no. It’s more important than ever that we try to mitigate as much as we can, to keep the heat down, to prevent the absolute worst.

But we also need to prepare. Prepare for a warmer world. A world which is different from the one we know currently. One with food shortages, with mass migration, with extreme weather events becoming more and more common… We need to mourn, to grieve, to feel the despair. I sincerely believe that it’s a fundamental part of coming to terms with the crisis we are in.

And If it’s not true? If I’m way off about the extent of the crisis? What if it’s all not that bad? Implementing the changes that I think are needed are not going to make the world a ‘worse’ place. I’d still advocate for them even without the urgency of the crisis. The only thing that’s changed is that I can’t bear to wait around for things to happen in 5… 10 years. We must act today.

I have an idea of what this life amidst the climate crisis might look like, so that it’s not utterly terrible – and how we might get there. More on that at another point in time.

If you need support with any of the things that have come up for you while reading this, there are some things you can do:

• For grief: check out https://www.goodgriefnetwork.org/10-steps/
• For grief, companionship and getting shit done: Extinction Rebellion is more than just a protest movement. They practise what they call regenerative culture. Amongst many other things, they create spaces to engage with emotions. See if there’s something for you, near you.
• If it’s about finding out how you can support others and yourself, how you can re-evaluate things, how you can contribute, what your purpose is now –  feel free to contact me.