Birthday Reflection

It’s my birthday today. 29 years of living on this planet. Somehow, miraculously, I’m where I am right now. All the moments that have shaped me came together in a glorious mix of experience to spit out the human you see before you. I’m taking a moment to let that sink in.

I’m in a period of change and transition, as I enter my 29th year. A friend pointed out recently that, in the three years he’s known me, I’ve been the person with the most dramatic life changes that he’s known. Reflecting on those three years, I can see where he’s coming from.

Even comparing my current situation to one year ago – massive change. Different focus in life, different location of (non-)residence, different people surrounding me every day, different people I interact with regularly (okay, some have stayed the same), different internal struggles. I can, with some confidence, proclaim: I am different. Of course, many things in and of me have stayed the same, and I’m grateful for those.

There is some heartache, looking back to the me alive one year ago. I’ve learnt some lessons, most of them the hard way. Some with joy, others with grief. In fact, writing these words I find myself mourning many things. Things that want their time and space to be felt – to truly be integrated into my being. As I ease into it, and feel past the initial sorrow, a yearning to celebrate emerges.

We don’t have much time left, I think. Collapse is likely on its way, and the time that we have had and still have is a reason to celebrate, in my book. As subjectively crappy as the majority of my time on this planet has been, I made it to this point. I’m still alive, 29 years later. That’s a lot more time than a lot of people have had. And while transitioning is not known for being super comfortable, I have an inkling that although there will be plenty to grieve for the coming year (something about catastrophic climate change, to name but one), there will also be many reasons and occasions to celebrate and rejoice.

I mean, did I, a year ago, suspect I’d be body boarding in the freezing Atlantic with someone I had just met and someone I hadn’t met yet, in Cornwall, of all places? Hell no. There are countless people in my life that I am thankful for. I have more insight into myself, others and the world in general than I’ve ever had. The amazing experiences keep coming and life just keeps flowing…

And so, I wish to start this new chapter in my life, which is slowly forming and conveniently colliding with my birthday, holding both the pain and mourning of the times that have passed and the times that will come, as well as the joy, the richness of experience, of life in all its wonder and beauty. I invite you to join me in this. I will be spending today reflecting on what has passed, to be stronger going forwards.

In reverence…